TEARS
Tuesday, October 2nd, 2018.
The day I saw him went away "on a business" with a brown envelope and tidy office attire. Not with a suit, but it was tidy. Well, he was always tidy.
Then suddenly he changed our lunch break meet up point to a place we seldom chose to visit. Epicentrum Walk.
When we met, I saw the envelope is gone already. But I chose not to ask anything. We ate, and our conversation turned out to be quite heavy and gloomy.
Hearing him speak about his insecurities, financial troubles, and how his life doesn't turn out the way it is supposed to be. I tried to speak out, but it didn't pass through.
So I gathered all my thoughts in a long chat. But for most of our trip back to office, we kept silent, each occupied with our own mind.
At that time, I remember feeling as if he's going to go away soon. But I denied it, thinking that maybe, it would be next year, but not within the very near future.
***
Tuesday, October 9th, 2018.
We're having the afternoon break with another colleague, when I heard that he hasn't yet transferred the 3-months parking subscription fee he was so eager to get.
When our colleague asked, "Why?" He only shrugged his shoulder and replied, "No money."
This strikes my mind as odd. In fact, a few days prior he told he was going down for a while to transfer it.
But even then, I kept silent, only pondering it inside my head.
He had also asked for our boss' schedule during the last 2 days, and when I asked the reason why, he only said softly, "I'll tell you later."
I've got a pretty unsettling feeling about this.
***
Wednesday, October 10th, 2018.
We finally got a rare chance to have a private afternoon break session.
I've almost lose sleep the night before, due to my flu, but also due to curiosity and anxiety over his last sentence the day before.
He went first to get a seat for us, then when I just arrived at our table, his first words were: "I'm resigning."
I only looked at him, a bit surprised on how correct my hunch was. Now all the events during the last week makes perfect sense, and my biggest fear became a reality.
We talked about it for a while, with me struggling hard to hold my tears. I don't want our other colleagues to find out, not before he told our boss about it. We finished our conversation and head back up, and I tried to act cheerful, as if nothing had happened.
Walking to the bus station in the evening, my tears started to flow. It continued during the bus trip, until I lie on my bed in the dark bedroom. It couldn't stop flowing. Maybe because I am pretty much used to observe him and try to care for him in the background, which in the end causes me think of him as my trusted teammate and a brother figure. And seeing him about to leave makes a piece of my heart broke. It's as if I'm a little kid being left by his older sibling.
It was only 10 months since he joined, but we've been through a lot. Stressed together, pulling an all nighter, fighting and having a month-long cold war with each other, reconciling, laughing, complaining on our reviewees, nervously preparing to be a trainer, you name it. And yet here we are, on another crossroad. 4 weeks left and we'll no longer be colleagues. Well, it depends on the result of his negotiation with our boss tomorrow, but it will need a miracle for him to stay. I sincerely prayed that he will somehow stay, but at least I prayed also that his resignation will be peaceful and amicable.
***
Thursday, October 11st, 2018. Today.
"Do you know of his resignation already?"
A chat from my boss popped up. 1.45 PM.
It is decided then. At least my second prayer is answered, and I can say I feel glad for him.
His last day is going to be on November 12nd, and he is going to resign on good terms.
Well, now I have to pray for his replacement, which is basically the same prayer point again as the one I prayed last year, around this time. The only difference is that God has prepared first for me to have the support of one of my best friend in college, which could make a huge difference compared to last time.
And I honestly think, this really is the best outcome. For him, and for all of us, perhaps.
I think I'll write something for him on his last day. But until then, I guess I have to continue my work. May the Lord give me the strength and focus that I need for now.
***
