Letters to God (1) - Fear and Anxiety

Dear God,

Just yesterday, I heard a sermon about anxiety.
It came from Phillipians 4: 5b-7.

It says there that to keep myself from being anxious, I need to do two things.
Pray.
And give thanksgiving.

God, you can see me, right?
As quickly as I hear the sermon, the temptations from your enemy came.
But maybe, You also let me experience this, as a test that will help me learn to apply what I've heard into my real life.

I actually start the day, not in a very refreshing way.
All the main roads I need to pass to reach Cyber 2 was totally blocked.
A combination of traffic, hot weather, non-working aircon and anxieties from my brother and my dad is not exactly something to keep my mood up for the day.

To top it off, I got the usual routine in the office.
You know, where all plans had to be readjusted, simply because some interruptions keep coming, over and over.
Emails, phone calls, people visiting my desk physically.
The lurking fear of being demanded for deadlines and direct answers.

Lord, it is really overwhelming.
I'm pretty much annoyed, hoping that somehow people will just leave me alone.
I fear them. I'm anxious every time I see a message, a phone call, or somebody coming my way.

All these weird things came to my mind.
About my whole career.
About my future days.
About my longterm plans.
About how they keep demanding my life, as if I'm not allowed to have any other kinds of life, outside work and deadlines.
About how I keep deceiving them over and over, knowing that I'm not keeping myself up to their expectations.

But really, Your grace and mercy is great, and You are indeed faithful.
Just as I am about to be crippled, paralyzed and unable to work due to these feelings.
Flashes of the sermon pass through my mind.

"Remember the way, the only way, to cure and break free from anxiety?"

Just as a Father reminding His daughter, in a soft yet direct manner.

And so, Lord, I'm here.

With all my anxieties today.
With all the list of works and piling emails and reports that I need to finish today.

Lord, I trust you can help me get through this.
Please keep my sight on the goal, and let me see myself crossing these pending items one by one.

And grant me the wisdom and calm I need to finish them all in time.

I believe in You, and in Your work in my life.

Thank you, Lord.
In the name of the Lord, Jesus, I pray.

Amen.

May 27, 2019.