Hi, Are You (Really) There?
Wednesday, May 29, 2024 - 2 days of missing my usually late and irregular period. First signs of your possible existence, a very faint second line showing on the pregnancy strip test. And I'm telling myself, "Don't be overly joyful, you know those stories of false positive results, right? Maybe test again with a different kit a few days later?"
Friday, May 31, 2024 - 4 days of missing my usually late and irregular period. Another very faint second line showing, but this time, faster than before. "Don't be too happy again now, it can be another false positive! Don't hope too much yet, better test again just to really, really make sure!"
Sunday, June 2, 2024 - 6 days of missing my usually late and irregular period. The second line appeared thicker and faster than the last test. "But why am I not feeling anything? No morning sickness, no nausea, no nothing of all those other things people said they experienced right after pregnancy? Just a very slight temperature increase, but not too much even, and a more tender and sensitive breast. Should I be worried if this is a real pregnancy or not? Why is the wait to reach this Saturday felt long?"
Thursday, June 6, 2024 - 10 days of missing my period. Now I'm pretty certain since having a period later than 10 days is not really a common experience, not with the not so stressed condition that I'm experiencing (though I still go home late for a few days in a row, but certainly not until the morning broke the next day). But just to make sure that it's still there... A fourth test. The second line showed quite quick and thick, unmistakably clear. And yet, it just added to my anxiety for the upcoming OB/GYN visit in the upcoming Saturday, as I'm clearly fidgeting inside during the last working day of the week.
Saturday, June 8, 2024 - Finally! I was jumping excited like a little kid when the trip is only to the OB/GYN in the hospital. Then, the Ultrasound showed it. The gestational sac. 5 weeks pregnant! I was a teeny bit dissappointed, since I was hoping to at least see the yolk sac as well. Nonetheless, The doctor ensured me that this is still normal, considering my irregular period condition, and congratulated my husband and I, telling us that the fastest we can come again for a monitoring might be 2 weeks later, and can even also opted to come 1 month later, in order to be able to see the baby. But I guess... it's better 2 weeks for me since I'm really, really eager to see if this little jelly bean is developing well, especially since this little one is growing in a place that I can not see, reach, nor intervene.
Sunday, June 2, 2024 - 6 days of missing my usually late and irregular period. The second line appeared thicker and faster than the last test. "But why am I not feeling anything? No morning sickness, no nausea, no nothing of all those other things people said they experienced right after pregnancy? Just a very slight temperature increase, but not too much even, and a more tender and sensitive breast. Should I be worried if this is a real pregnancy or not? Why is the wait to reach this Saturday felt long?"
Thursday, June 6, 2024 - 10 days of missing my period. Now I'm pretty certain since having a period later than 10 days is not really a common experience, not with the not so stressed condition that I'm experiencing (though I still go home late for a few days in a row, but certainly not until the morning broke the next day). But just to make sure that it's still there... A fourth test. The second line showed quite quick and thick, unmistakably clear. And yet, it just added to my anxiety for the upcoming OB/GYN visit in the upcoming Saturday, as I'm clearly fidgeting inside during the last working day of the week.
Saturday, June 8, 2024 - Finally! I was jumping excited like a little kid when the trip is only to the OB/GYN in the hospital. Then, the Ultrasound showed it. The gestational sac. 5 weeks pregnant! I was a teeny bit dissappointed, since I was hoping to at least see the yolk sac as well. Nonetheless, The doctor ensured me that this is still normal, considering my irregular period condition, and congratulated my husband and I, telling us that the fastest we can come again for a monitoring might be 2 weeks later, and can even also opted to come 1 month later, in order to be able to see the baby. But I guess... it's better 2 weeks for me since I'm really, really eager to see if this little jelly bean is developing well, especially since this little one is growing in a place that I can not see, reach, nor intervene.
Fast forward to today, June 19, 2024. Every single morning, I've been praying to God, asking if this little one is still there, inside me, and is really growing well. Everytime I think about it, my tears started to well, as if my heart is pleading from inside me to God, to please protect, keep and grow what He has shown me that one fine Saturday. And having almost no additional symptoms is not helping me quell my anxiety. In fact, being asked by my dad, "Do you still feel pregnant?" may seem like a difficult and confusing question to answer.
Honestly, thinking of the word "Mommy" is even enough to make me cry in silence just now. The weight of the word felt so different now, when I finally understood that I can, and may, be one soon early next year.
And finally, this upcoming Saturday, I'm hoping I can finally have the first answer to my question during this whole 2-week wait.
"Hi, there, my little one. Mommy's here. Are you (really) there, growing and well?"
And finally, this upcoming Saturday, I'm hoping I can finally have the first answer to my question during this whole 2-week wait.
"Hi, there, my little one. Mommy's here. Are you (really) there, growing and well?"
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