Sabtu, 24 Maret 2018

A Scribble and A Dream (25) - Moving On, Once More

Moving On, Once More

And no, I'm not crying this time around.
More like, I'm relieved.
And it was a silent move on, as well.
Quietly, no drama involved.

As if God knew what was in my mind,
My Heavenly Father suddenly showed me, almost promptly.
It was the answer to the question that almost held me from moving on.

"My vape was taken by my friend," said my used-to-be-crush.
I was moving on from him already, and my heart has calmed down the past few days.
I already decided earlier this week that he is not my destiny.
But I'm pretty much still curious if he had any girlfriend, or is still single.

Then suddenly he corrected it, "Actually, not my friend, but my girlfriend."

That's all I need to hear from him.

That explains it.
All his indifferent behaviour.
Now, everything is cleared already.
And I truly thank God for that.

I praise God for changing my feelings from a crush to friendship.
From the unrequited, uneasy amore to the calm phileo.
Even before all this happened.

God has given me the final piece.
And my heart confirms its resolution, in silence.
I can now really be free from any lingering hope.
And the fantasy is fully shattered, deceiving no longer.

In silence and solitude, I looked up to Him.
"Lord, here I am. I'm still where I am, at the starting line."
"Here I am, waiting for someone to run together with me."
"It's not that I am running alone now, for You are surely with me."
"But Lord, if it pleases Thee, can You please let me continue in a group?"
"A group of three, with Thee and the man that Thee has prepared for me, if there is any."

And with that, I close this chapter, again, alone.

It's the 6th time I moved on.
And, I'm totally fine this time.

Once more, I glance at the man sitting on the sofa.
This time, as comrades, office colleagues fighting the same busy season.
As a sister looking up to her brother in the same profession.
No more, no less.

So liberating.


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