Rabu, 14 Maret 2018

A Scribble and A Dream (24) - An Unspoken, Impossible Crush


An Unspoken, Impossible Crush

It's that feeling again.
The one that annoys her so much.
The feeling others might call "crush".
Happening in one of the worst place in the earth: the office.

She sighed deeply.
It is one sided, and she's sure of it.
They have many differing views, and she's sure of it.
They both hold strongly to their life principles and lifestyles, and she's kinda sure of it.

He is a new hire, still trying his best to catch up.
He is doing it professionally, and she appreciates it greatly.
Oh man...

Why does this "crush" has to come at such a disadvantageous place and time?

She played with her pen, and gazed to the empty chair in front of her.
This uneasiness she felt, this expectation she had to see him walking through that door.

This relief she felt when she saw him from the car, informing of his sick leave.
Only just a glimpse of his face, a short word he uttered.
Those are enough to enable her to work again.

And yet, she fully knows.
This crush, this impossible crush, if not well controlled.
This could spell disaster.

She can't afford losing him as a colleague.
Not with this heavy load in their department.
No, not ever.

'Really, should I acknowledge it daily to properly let it go every single time I feel it?'

She stared at her blog page, the only place where no one will see what she wrote.
Her safe place where only God knows what she wrote inside.
Her only medium to learn to let it go, over and over again.

'God, how many more times? How many more posts like this, until I finally meet my Boaz?'
She silently asked God.
And there it is, a warm peace slowly enveloping her heart.

'I don't want to be led by empty fantasies and idolatries, lest I forgot You, my God and my true love.'
'So please, lead me, God.'
'Lead me to the one I'll be spending my life with. I'm waiting here in submission.'

She quietly prayed while closing her blog page. Time to get back to work.

***

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